Based on the original article "Using a Brain-Based Foundation for Preparing and Supporting Families," featured in NACAC's quarterly newsletter, Adoptalk I have worked in the world of foster care and adoption since 2004. One of the most heart-breaking parts of my work has been seeing everyone trying, I mean really trying, and feeling like a failure. It happens with all members of the community: kids, parents, professionals. I am guessing you can relate. My world...
Why Saying “Use Your Words” Isn’t Working…
Find yourself wondering why kids can’t use their words sometimes? This is true of all of us, but especially true for brains that have been impacted by trauma. Here’s an excerpt from Riley the Brave’s “afterword for grown-ups” to help make sense of this complicated topic… The brain has two main operating systems, social-approach/engagement mode (“the upstairs brain”) and defense mode (“the downstairs brain”). At birth, the downstairs brain is the operating system at work....
“Are those your REAL parents?”
Language matters! I’m not trying to be the PC police or anything, but this phrase needs to go away. Not just in the world of adoption, but families are formed in SO MANY different ways. This phrase is more for the person asking than for the person being asked. If you’re curious, own your curiosity with a statement like, “I’m curious about your family.” That will let the person you’re talking with choose if they...
What Do These Big Behaviors Really Mean?
“She’s so manipulative!” “He is only nice when he wants something.” Have these thoughts ever run through your mind? Maybe you’ve heard something like it from families you work with? It doesn’t feel good! No one likes it when someone else is pulling the strings. And it feels even worse when it’s paired with other squirrelly behavior, like lying or stealing. Let’s dig a little deeper. If we’re honest, what is the story we are...