Since we are digging in to the world of adoption this month, I want to share a conversation I’ve had with all members of the adoption triad…
I’ve seen how powerful it is when adoptive parents in particular can embrace this tension, that you are enough, whole, loved, lovely, capable, and precious….
And yet you can’t be everything that your child by adoption needs. You’re set up for failure if that’s your goal.
Your kiddos need connection to their bio family and roots.
They need you to feel the big feels with them sometimes and help them figure out how to ride the waves safely.
Often parents and kids both need really competent therapy to help them on their path to healing those deep losses and attachment wounds, not to mention the abuse and neglect many kids experience in the world of foster care. (And if you are sighing in frustration about the lack of competent therapists, I’m right there with you!! Trying to get more professionals trained!!)
Adoptees have shared over and over that they especially need you to not feel threatened by their deep and varied needs.
If you can make it safe to be curious and angry and hurt and distant and confused and connected, you are WINNING!!!
Honestly, that really requires us as parents to do the self-reflection and healing work that will let us be both enough and not enough for our kids.
I don’t say this lightly.
Parenting is a herculean task in the best of circumstances, even more so in the aftermath of trauma.
The changes to the brain are real.
You are not alone.
Here’s a podcast episode with a little support and encouragement as well as a whole parents corner just for you!
I’m so glad we’re in this together!Stay tuned for more blog posts, and join the conversation on Instagram.
