Language matters!
I’m not trying to be the PC police or anything, but this phrase needs to go away. Not just in the world of adoption, but families are formed in SO MANY different ways.
This phrase is more for the person asking than for the person being asked.
If you’re curious, own your curiosity with a statement like, “I’m curious about your family.” That will let the person you’re talking with choose if they want to share more instead of feeling forced into answering an awkward question.
PSA: It’s ok to have more than one or two “real” parents.
In fact, it’s pretty common! In my therapy work, as kids talk about their biological or adoptive or foster parent – or whoever is or has been parenting them (guardian, grandparent, etc) – I ask them what they call that person in their head. Then I try to use the same language.
For some kids, both adoptive and bio parents are simply Mom or Dad. Sure, that can get confusing, but we muddle through.
It’s ok to love both.
It’s ok to honor both.
It’s ok to struggle with both.
We can hold the complexity.
BraveBrains resources are here to help you hold that complexity.
I love this Adoption Manifesto created by Angela Tucker and have it hanging in my office as a reminder for all who enter. Be sure to poke around Angela’s website for additional support and beautiful videography that brings complex stories to life.
